yohomojojojo
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Showing posts tagged mine
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Him
There are people who come into our lives and then quickly leave, and others who - after you get to know each other - never seem to stray. I could see him being either type.
I can see him sitting behind some random middle-aged couple at a hockey game, football tailgate, or concert, and inviting the pair to join him and his friends for an amazingly fun day. Maybe the couple planned to go straight home afterwards, but this young, outgoing, vivacious 24/25 year old stranger gives them the best day they’ve had in a long time. And afterwards, they never talk again. But in that one day, out of the blue, he was a part of their lives.
I also KNOW that he is dedicated to his good friends - willing to drive for hours (5+, one way) and completely rearrange or set aside his existing plans if there is a good opportunity to visit someone he hasn’t seen in months - even if the visit can only last one night. And these friends he has to make such an effort to see, it may have been years since they talked regularly.
I already know that if I ever get to truly know him - if he becomes a part of my life - that I won’t be able to live as the latter, so maybe I need to accept the lesser disappointment and live as the former. Which still sucks.
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Why?
Because everything I have seen, heard, and personally experienced in life has taught me that it’s easier NOT to be open and honest about your feelings. People can’t laugh at you, hate you, misunderstand you, or react in disgust when you provide them with absolutely nothing. But at some point, you just get tired of caring what other people think. You let things start to show.
And the lonliness you feel when you are without the true emotional connections that make you human, the pain that builds up inside and spills over into other people’s lives, and the disgust that makes you start to hate the world that made you this way… it all makes it easier to stop holding everything in.
Something new is going on.
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Yeah fucking right.
It takes less than 1 minute to destroy my confidence. You hear a rustling outside your window and immediately feel the adrenaline pumping. The shame and disgust and disappointment you bring into existence flashes in front of your eyes. Shut it down. Close up your world and lock it back away. It never existed.
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Is it wrong?
That I am so turned on by making this pizza? First I was kneading it: punching the dough, and pressing my palms into this warm and familiarly textured mass. Between these thrusts I would flip the dough over - alternating top-to-bottom and side-to-side. A couple times I gently smacked the excess flour off the top of the now expanding bubble of dough. To be honest I got a little worked up (it is kinda warm here) with all the heaving up and down.
Then I was greasing the pan, and I decided to hand-spread some olive oil instead of using non-stick spray. I didn’t want to use too much, though, so it took some time to get my fingers into all the edges and corners. So sensual! Afterwards my hands were completely covered in oil, and the pan was glistening.
I feel so weird letting someone else share this pizza! Kinda feel like its tainted by unpure thoughts!
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Get the HPV Vaccine!
So I’ve been telling myself I need to get the HPV vaccine since autumn 2011, and I finally got the first shot today! I’m so proud of myself.
If you are a girl OR A BOY(!) and you haven’t already gone crazy in terms of sexual exploration, you really ought to consider getting the vaccine.
If you are worried about what your parents will think, it is approved and recommended by the FDA for people (BOTH GENDERS) aged 9-26. No matter whether you have a single sexual partner in your whole lifetime or many, it can prevent some pretty horrific health consequences (cancer, genital warts). HPV is so widespread in the population that you stand a good chance of contracting it no matter how many people you ever have sex with. It is not just for sluts or high-risk populations. It is for EVERYONE.
If you still do not want to bring up the subject, you can get the vaccine at any CVS (or similar place) with a Minute Clinic (or equivalent). At CVS you need a note from a parent if you are 16 or 17. It is well worth paying for it by yourself. But, if the cost is a concern, Merck has a program in place to get vaccines to people who would have trouble paying.
Message me anon if you want! I want to talk to you about being healthy and responsible!
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I just want someone who wants the same things from life as I do.
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Reminds me of one of my all-time favorite books, The Hatchet by Gary Paulson. Read it in 4th or 5th grade. I just got so into the story. I’ve always been all about proving my independence, I guess.
(Source: shoulderblades)
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Go boating in a scary, rickety dingy.
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This reminds me of my high school trip to the Bahamas. We were out on the boats one day, and some wild dolphins started following us. So we stopped the boats and jumped out. When we stopped moving, the dolphins seemed to disappear in the slightly murky water.
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Once we got out, we noticed it was fairly shallow - the water was chest height. We waited. And we started to think the dolphins had swam away. But after a minute or two the dolphins reappeared. They were swimming all around us - just past arm’s length. And they started jumping. Over us, around us… it was amazing. WILD dolphins. I had always wanted to swim with a dolphin, but I knew that it would be a trained, domesticated animal.
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Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be in the water almost within reach of such a graceful and intelligent untamed animal. It was the kind of experience that permanently changes you and that you know you will never forget.
(Source: command3r)
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Bedroom
So today my mom was talking with me about the things I will need to buy and the changes to expect when I move into my apartment.. and she was like.. “you won’t be spending as much time in your bedroom, the whole apartment will be yours.”
At first I laughed quietly to myself, on the inside, thinking she has no idea why I’m moving out. But then I thought about it, and maybe she’s right. I’m going to desecrate and defile every room in that place.
